Codependency Assessment Calculator
Evaluate codependent patterns in your relationships
Important Notice
This is a self-reflection tool, NOT a diagnostic test. Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose codependency or related conditions. This assessment is designed to help you reflect on your relationship patterns and identify areas where you might benefit from support.
If your results concern you or if you're experiencing distress in your relationships, please consider reaching out to a licensed therapist or counselor who specializes in codependency and relationship issues.
Assessment Questions
1. Do you often feel responsible for other people's feelings or problems?
2. Do you have difficulty saying 'no' to others, even when it's inconvenient or harmful to you?
3. Do you feel anxious or guilty when you do things for yourself instead of others?
4. Do you feel worthwhile only when you're helping or needed by others?
5. Do you have trouble identifying or expressing your own feelings and needs?
6. Do you tend to minimize or ignore your own needs to take care of others?
7. Do you feel anxious or uncomfortable when others don't need your help?
8. Do you stay in relationships that are unhealthy or harmful because you fear being alone?
9. Do you feel responsible for 'fixing' or controlling other people's behavior or moods?
10. Do you have difficulty setting or maintaining healthy boundaries with others?
11. Do you seek approval and validation from others to feel good about yourself?
12. Do you find yourself attracted to people who need 'rescuing' or 'fixing'?
13. Do you feel overly anxious about how others perceive or feel about you?
14. Do you have trouble making decisions without seeking others' opinions or approval?
15. Do you sacrifice your own values, goals, or well-being to please others?
Common Signs
Difficulty saying no or maintaining personal limits
Prioritizing others' needs over your own constantly
Deriving value only from helping or being needed
Trying to fix or control others' behavior
Staying in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone
Ignoring or minimizing your own feelings and needs
Understanding Codependency
What is Codependency?
Codependency is a behavioral and emotional condition that affects a person's ability to have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. It's characterized by an excessive reliance on others for approval and identity, often at the expense of one's own needs and well-being. Codependent individuals typically have low self-esteem, poor boundaries, and a strong need to be needed.
Origins of Codependency
Codependency often develops in childhood, particularly in families where emotional needs weren't met, where addiction was present, or where there was abuse, neglect, or enmeshment. Children in these environments often learn to suppress their own needs and feelings to maintain stability or gain approval. These patterns then carry into adult relationships.
Breaking Free from Codependency
Recovery from codependency is possible with awareness, commitment, and often professional support. Key steps include: recognizing codependent patterns, learning to set healthy boundaries, developing self-awareness and self-compassion, addressing underlying trauma or issues, building self-esteem independent of others, and learning to prioritize your own needs and feelings.
Healthy Relationships vs. Codependency
Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, clear boundaries, open communication, and interdependence (where both people support each other while maintaining independence). Codependent relationships involve one-sided caregiving, blurred boundaries, poor communication, and unhealthy dependence (where one or both people lose their sense of self).
Steps Toward Healthy Independence:
- •Practice saying "no" without guilt or excessive explanation
- •Identify and honor your own feelings, needs, and boundaries
- •Develop a sense of self separate from your relationships
- •Stop trying to control or fix others' problems
- •Build self-esteem through self-care and personal growth
- •Seek professional help to address underlying issues
- •Join support groups like CoDA for community and guidance
- •Practice self-compassion during the recovery process
Frequently Asked Questions
Is codependency a mental health disorder?
Codependency is not officially classified as a mental health disorder in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). However, it's a widely recognized pattern of behavior that can significantly impact mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. It often co-occurs with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions, and is frequently addressed in therapy.
Can codependency be cured or overcome?
Yes, with awareness, commitment, and often professional support, people can overcome codependent patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics. Recovery is a process that involves learning new behaviors, healing from past trauma, building self-esteem, and developing healthier boundaries. Many people successfully transform their relationships and lives through therapy, support groups like CoDA, and dedicated self-work.
What causes codependency?
Codependency typically develops in childhood, often in families where emotional needs weren't met or where there was dysfunction such as addiction, abuse, neglect, or chronic illness. Children in these environments learn to suppress their own needs to maintain stability or gain approval. Other factors include growing up with overly controlling or enmeshed parents, lack of healthy relationship modeling, and trauma. These patterns become ingrained and carry into adult relationships.
How is codependency different from being caring or supportive?
Being caring and supportive in relationships is healthy and important. Codependency crosses into unhealthy territory when: you consistently neglect your own needs to care for others, you derive your entire self-worth from being needed, you have difficulty setting boundaries, you try to control or fix others, you stay in harmful relationships out of fear, or you lose your sense of self. Healthy support respects boundaries and maintains balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.
What are healthy boundaries and how do I set them?
Healthy boundaries are the limits you set to protect your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They involve clearly communicating your needs, limits, and expectations. To set boundaries: identify what feels comfortable and uncomfortable for you, communicate clearly and directly, say "no" without excessive guilt or explanation, be consistent, and be prepared for others to potentially react negatively (which is their responsibility to manage, not yours to fix). Therapy can help you develop boundary-setting skills.
Can someone be codependent in all their relationships?
Yes, codependent patterns often show up across multiple relationships—romantic partnerships, friendships, family relationships, and even work relationships. Someone with codependent tendencies may consistently take on the caretaker role, struggle with boundaries in various contexts, and have difficulty prioritizing their own needs regardless of the relationship type. This is why addressing codependency often requires examining patterns across all areas of life.
What is the relationship between codependency and addiction?
Codependency and addiction are closely related. The term "codependency" originally emerged in the context of families dealing with alcoholism. People who are codependent often enable addictive behaviors by protecting the person from consequences, taking over responsibilities, or staying in the relationship despite harm. Additionally, codependency itself can be seen as an addiction—to being needed, to rescuing others, or to maintaining control. Many support groups address both issues together.
How long does it take to overcome codependency?
Recovery from codependency is a personal journey that varies for each individual. There's no specific timeline—it depends on factors like the severity of codependent patterns, presence of underlying trauma, commitment to change, quality of support (therapy, groups), and life circumstances. Some people see significant improvement within months, while for others it's a years-long process. What's important is that progress is possible, and even small steps toward healthier patterns make a meaningful difference.
Should I leave a relationship if I'm codependent?
Not necessarily. While some relationships are toxic and may need to end for your well-being, codependency is primarily about your patterns of behavior, not just the relationship itself. You can work on overcoming codependency while staying in a relationship, though it requires both partners to be willing to change dynamics. A therapist can help you evaluate whether your relationship is healthy enough to heal within or whether leaving would be beneficial. Prioritize your safety and well-being in this decision.
Where can I find help for codependency?
Resources for codependency include: licensed therapists who specialize in codependency, relationship issues, or family systems; Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), a free 12-step support group; Al-Anon for families affected by someone's drinking; books and workbooks on codependency (authors like Melody Beattie and Pia Mellody); online support communities; and mental health apps focused on relationships and boundaries. Professional therapy is often the most effective approach, especially when combined with support groups.